Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Hazy Daze of Life with a Newborn
Hi, remember me? Susan? Yeah, I haven't posted here in a while. But I hope you'll cut me some slack -- I had a baby five weeks ago.
Since then, I've been floating in the foggy ether of newborn parenthood. You know, only a couple of hours of sleep at a time, constant feedings and diaper changes, barely enough time to take a shower and brush your teeth ... and this time, I have a 3-year-old to take care of, too. At least I still have my good friend and sitter Karen to help out with her.
During most weekdays, I take care of the baby, sleep when I can, and attempt to get something done around the house (usually lucky just to empty the dishwasher). I had forgotten how needy newborns are. They just need, need, need ... to be held, fed, changed, loved. Meanwhile, Cassie gets to play and have fun with Karen and her kids, rather than hanging out with me and the baby in front of the TV all day. I feel so grateful for that. She's handling the transition to big sisterhood beautifully, and I'm pretty sure it's due to her time away from the newborn haze.
Evenings and weekends, it's two kids for the price of one mom, and I just try to get by from hour to hour. I hardly get anything done, which drives me crazy. And I've been absolutely horrible about communicating via email, phone, blog or anything else. All I can do is keep my kids alive and hopefully not crying.
I hope that in the next month or two, the haze will begin to lift. I know this is a precious, special time and all that, but it's also hard to feel so disconnected from my "regular life" and I look forward to being more out in the world again soon.
November 03, 2009
Tips to lose weight
Regular exercise
Regular weight loss exercise as we know is an essential component to lose weight. If some body wants to lose weight he has to burn mare calories than he consumes. Muscle building is the best way to boost up the metabolism. The more muscles a body has the more calories it require. Now the question comes, how much exercise is enough to lose weight ? Thought the answer varies from person to person. But still on an average thirty minutes of exercise is required. Muscle building can be done on alternate days. Alternate days are always suggested so the body takes a rest and repair any damages to the muscles.
Be exploratory
Always try new and exciting things to lose weight. There is a possibility that your bodies have some mineral deficiency and requires supplement for that. It is also possible the system is overwhelmed with a lot of toxic substances, for that your body may require some body wrap treatment.
Physically active
To lose weight opt a life style which is physically active. For example try using stairs instead of accelerators. Make a plan for hiking for the weekends instead of watching movie. Join some class like martial art class, baseball team or some running club or daily take your pet for the walk.
Your aim to lose weight can soon become a reality with the help of proper diet, regular exercise and positive thinking. The best idea behind the weight loss should be to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Losing weight is never boring or dull; rather it can bring enough enthusiasm and energy to your life.
Other Related Articles May Interest You:
1. Acai Berry Diet – Lose Your Weight with This Superfood
2. Simple Tips for Running to Lose Weight
3. How to Lose Weight After Pregnancy
4. Does Acai Berry Actually Cause You to Lose Weight?
5. Seven Secrets Dieters Must Know To Lose Weight Permanently
Regular weight loss exercise as we know is an essential component to lose weight. If some body wants to lose weight he has to burn mare calories than he consumes. Muscle building is the best way to boost up the metabolism. The more muscles a body has the more calories it require. Now the question comes, how much exercise is enough to lose weight ? Thought the answer varies from person to person. But still on an average thirty minutes of exercise is required. Muscle building can be done on alternate days. Alternate days are always suggested so the body takes a rest and repair any damages to the muscles.
Be exploratory
Always try new and exciting things to lose weight. There is a possibility that your bodies have some mineral deficiency and requires supplement for that. It is also possible the system is overwhelmed with a lot of toxic substances, for that your body may require some body wrap treatment.
Physically active
To lose weight opt a life style which is physically active. For example try using stairs instead of accelerators. Make a plan for hiking for the weekends instead of watching movie. Join some class like martial art class, baseball team or some running club or daily take your pet for the walk.
Your aim to lose weight can soon become a reality with the help of proper diet, regular exercise and positive thinking. The best idea behind the weight loss should be to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Losing weight is never boring or dull; rather it can bring enough enthusiasm and energy to your life.
Other Related Articles May Interest You:
1. Acai Berry Diet – Lose Your Weight with This Superfood
2. Simple Tips for Running to Lose Weight
3. How to Lose Weight After Pregnancy
4. Does Acai Berry Actually Cause You to Lose Weight?
5. Seven Secrets Dieters Must Know To Lose Weight Permanently
Good Charlotte - Always And Forever (Thank You Mom) lyrics
Always, Always and forever,
Always, Always and forever,
Im sitting here, im thinking back
To a time when i was young
My memory is clear as day
Im listening to the dishes clink
You were downstairs you would sing
Songs of praise
And all the times we laughed with you
And all the times that you stayed true to us
And now we'll say
I said i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show
And i love you i'll always love you there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you that your beautiful foever
Always, Always and Forever
You were my mom you were my dad
The only thing i ever had was you it's true
Even when the times got hard
You were there to let us know
That we'd get through
You showed my how to be a man
You taught me how to understand
The things people do
You showed me how to love my God
You taught me that not everyone
Knows the truth
And i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know and than i could ever show,
And i love you i'll always love you, there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you, that you will live forever
Forever and ever,
Forever and ever,
I said i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show,
And i love you i'll always love you there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you, that i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show,and i love you i'll always love you, there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you that you will live forever...
...Always...
Always, Always and forever,
Im sitting here, im thinking back
To a time when i was young
My memory is clear as day
Im listening to the dishes clink
You were downstairs you would sing
Songs of praise
And all the times we laughed with you
And all the times that you stayed true to us
And now we'll say
I said i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show
And i love you i'll always love you there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you that your beautiful foever
Always, Always and Forever
You were my mom you were my dad
The only thing i ever had was you it's true
Even when the times got hard
You were there to let us know
That we'd get through
You showed my how to be a man
You taught me how to understand
The things people do
You showed me how to love my God
You taught me that not everyone
Knows the truth
And i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know and than i could ever show,
And i love you i'll always love you, there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you, that you will live forever
Forever and ever,
Forever and ever,
I said i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show,
And i love you i'll always love you there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you, that i thank you i'll always thank you,
More than you would know than i could ever show,and i love you i'll always love you, there's nothing i wont do to say these words
To you that you will live forever...
...Always...
November 02, 2009
How to Handle Being a Working Mom
The U.S. Census reports that 51 percent of first-time mothers return to work within four months after giving birth. A mother may return to work by choice, out of necessity, or both. Whatever the reason, it goes without saying that being a working mom is one of the world’s great balancing acts. If you handle it with care, being a working mom can be a rewarding experience. Read on for tips on how to handle being a working mom.
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Step 1**Make a realistic schedule.**
Your schedule should be manageable. Don’t let guilt be your motivator when planning out the week. And remember to include some downtime! Scheduling in rest and relaxation periods will give you a chance to relieve built-up stress. As the saying goes, when momma’s unhappy, no one’s happy.
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Step 2**Learn to depend on others.**
Gather up a network of close friends and family you trust who can serve as your support group. Make friends with other working moms who understand where you’re coming from. You and the other moms can share advice on how to handle being a working mom. Weekly play dates for kids can be arranged so you and the other working moms can look forward to a little free time to do things without the kids, like errands (and napping!).
-
Step 3**Have faith.**
If you are a working mom who believes in a higher power, now is the time to immerse yourself in that faith. Believing in a higher power often has a calming effect on people, especially working moms. Several studies have found a connection between faith and health. People who can ‘let go and let God’ have found a way to handle stress in their lives, and this helps protect against illness. As a working mom, it may be beneficial to your health to attend church regularly with your family.
-
Step 4**Appreciate the natural world around you.**
Even if you are not a religious working mom, you can still gather strength from finding a connection with nature. A simple appreciation of the natural environment around you can relieve some of the stress that comes from being a working mom. Take several moments throughout the day, whether at the playground with your kids or stopped at a red light on your way to work, to look around and see all the beauty that nature has to offer.
Being a working mom is no cakewalk. But with careful planning and a positive attitude, you can find balance between work and family.
8 things no one tells you about being a mom
Enough about the bright side. We do moms a disservice if we only gush about the countless truly terrific aspects of raising a child and neglect to mention the, well, harsher realities. It's useful to know that there are not-so-hot sides of the job, if only to take the edge off those inevitable pains of feeling exasperated, unnerved, or just surprised. And it's reassuring to know you're not the only one to admit a downside even exists. This is my list -- you'll probably have one, too.
There is no learning curve
Rather, if you graphed it, it would just go up and up. By the time you master colic, it's over. All your smug expertise at changing diapers on an upright toddler becomes obsolete when she graduates to big-kid underwear. Net result: You never feel quite on top of things.
And although the firstborn breaks you in for the next, Number Two is usually so different in temperament, taste, or developmental pacing that what you learned the first time often doesn't work or apply. My oldest, Henry, would respond only to the loudest of shouts and severest of threats. But when I tried my hard-learned disciplinary tactics on next-in-line Eleanor, the slightest raised voice would make her quiver and tear up. Parenting.com: Mom milestones
Silver lining: A good mental workout. I've learned a lot about human behavior that I might not otherwise have -- plus a lot about kids' music and books, the art of bandage application, and how to make dinner really fast.
You run in circles
"The minute you get one thing solved, there's something else to do," says Janine Saber of Orinda, California, about the unending rounds of feeding, diapering, and bedtime that punctuate life with young children. For moms accustomed to completing projects and advancing careers, the chronic spin cycle of caretaking can feel frustrating and mind-numbing.
If you have more than one child, the circles begin to overlap. "It's like multitasking-plus," says Saber. "I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten to feed the baby cereal along with her morning formula because my 6-year-old was late for school." Parenting.com: 6 secrets of happy moms
Silver lining: "Once you realize you have no control, you're in total control," Saber says. "Then you can say, 'OK, I'll just go with the flow.'"
You'll feel helpless sometimes
You're ready and willing to do anything in the world to make your child safe and happy. But even at the playground and at home, circumstances will unfold beyond your direct control. "It hurt to see one of my kids being teased or excluded at playgroup," says Ann Douglas, a mom of four in Peterborough, Ontario, and the author of "The Mother of All Parenting Books." When two of her kids were being bullied at school, she kept wondering if there was more she could do to help her kids deal, she says.
Silver lining: Because it's your child, you'll be amazed at how you can come up with a solution -- or find a friend who's gone through something similar. Douglas made an effort to talk more with the school's teachers; once they were put on alert about her kids' problems, she had a better sense of how they were getting through the day.
You don't get instant replays
You will say the wrong thing. You will do the wrong thing. This is true of life in general, of course. But with a child it's especially tough because you're making so many split-second decisions in any given hour -- and the repercussions of those decisions are helping to form a growing psyche!
I felt sure my daughter Margaret, then 3, would hate me forever when she asked if she could watch "Star Wars" with her brother again and I barked, "No! Time for bed! You've watched too much TV and maybe we should get rid of that TV!" On and on -- transferring a work-related anger to a small, innocent bystander. (Seven years later, I'm pretty sure she loves me still...and we still have a TV.) Parenting.com: Will you be a good mother?
Silver lining: Losing your cool can be a gentle reminder to count to ten before you speak the next time. But it's also humanizing. A few missteps won't scar your child. So apologize if it's appropriate and move on, because your child will.
There's no privacy
"I was in the bathroom when my then 6-year-old looked at the string dangling from my so-called private parts and said, 'Mommy, I think you sat in some gum,'" says Kristine Breese, a Los Angeles mother of two who wrote Cereal for Dinner. "When you become a mom, you can't even put a tampon in without being interrupted."
Silver lining: Your kids can learn patience, self-sufficiency, and the meaning of privacy -- if you set boundaries. "At a certain point, you start locking the bathroom or saying something to stop your child from barging in," Breese says. "This represents a huge step forward as you realize that being at their constant disposal is not really what your kids need."
Your baby will eventually insult you
Indulge in a nice-mommy whim and make a special chocolate-chip face on a toddler's pancake, and you're liable to be met with indignant howls. ("That's not how a pancake looks!") One minute you're the best thing since ice pops and the next, mud. And the mercurial moods of a growing child mean you never know which will happen when.
Silver lining: Repeated verbal stabs make you more immune to them. Unless it's clearly intentional antisocial rudeness (rare before the school years), blame child development and don't take anything personally. Two-year-olds, for instance, are notoriously resistant to change because they're trying hard to figure out the world and once they've "got" a concept down (pancakes don't have faces), it's disorienting to have their expectations foiled. Parenting.com: 8 things grandparents wish you knew
You have to force yourself to back off
If, like me, you're a Type A control freak (or were in your pre-kids life, until they leeched it out of you), it's a constant internal struggle not to step in and finish the puzzle, Velcro-shut the sneaker yourself, or issue reminders every 10 seconds about what your child should do, say, or remember.
Silver lining: The more you incrementally step back, the more self-sufficient they become, which is how it's supposed to be. Kids need to do many things on their own -- and feelings of accomplishment are as mentally healthy for them as they are practical. One morning I watched my 5-year-old laboriously try and try again as my hurry-meter clanged inside me. But you know what? I refrained from butting in as long as she was calm and focused -- and she did it! Her pride was far more valuable than my hectoring would have been.
You won't know if you've done a good job for, oh, 20 or 30 years
Every decision you make -- from discipline to extracurricular activities -- has repercussions, though usually not as momentous as you may think. You can have a pretty good inkling of how things are going, but you won't really know what sort of person you've helped to create until your child is fully grown.
Silver lining: That's the marvelous mystery of parenting. So much time, money, hope, and love poured into one tiny creature -- but I can't think of a better use for those resources.
There is no learning curve
Rather, if you graphed it, it would just go up and up. By the time you master colic, it's over. All your smug expertise at changing diapers on an upright toddler becomes obsolete when she graduates to big-kid underwear. Net result: You never feel quite on top of things.
And although the firstborn breaks you in for the next, Number Two is usually so different in temperament, taste, or developmental pacing that what you learned the first time often doesn't work or apply. My oldest, Henry, would respond only to the loudest of shouts and severest of threats. But when I tried my hard-learned disciplinary tactics on next-in-line Eleanor, the slightest raised voice would make her quiver and tear up. Parenting.com: Mom milestones
Silver lining: A good mental workout. I've learned a lot about human behavior that I might not otherwise have -- plus a lot about kids' music and books, the art of bandage application, and how to make dinner really fast.
You run in circles
"The minute you get one thing solved, there's something else to do," says Janine Saber of Orinda, California, about the unending rounds of feeding, diapering, and bedtime that punctuate life with young children. For moms accustomed to completing projects and advancing careers, the chronic spin cycle of caretaking can feel frustrating and mind-numbing.
If you have more than one child, the circles begin to overlap. "It's like multitasking-plus," says Saber. "I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten to feed the baby cereal along with her morning formula because my 6-year-old was late for school." Parenting.com: 6 secrets of happy moms
Silver lining: "Once you realize you have no control, you're in total control," Saber says. "Then you can say, 'OK, I'll just go with the flow.'"
You'll feel helpless sometimes
You're ready and willing to do anything in the world to make your child safe and happy. But even at the playground and at home, circumstances will unfold beyond your direct control. "It hurt to see one of my kids being teased or excluded at playgroup," says Ann Douglas, a mom of four in Peterborough, Ontario, and the author of "The Mother of All Parenting Books." When two of her kids were being bullied at school, she kept wondering if there was more she could do to help her kids deal, she says.
Silver lining: Because it's your child, you'll be amazed at how you can come up with a solution -- or find a friend who's gone through something similar. Douglas made an effort to talk more with the school's teachers; once they were put on alert about her kids' problems, she had a better sense of how they were getting through the day.
You don't get instant replays
You will say the wrong thing. You will do the wrong thing. This is true of life in general, of course. But with a child it's especially tough because you're making so many split-second decisions in any given hour -- and the repercussions of those decisions are helping to form a growing psyche!
Don't Miss
Silver lining: Losing your cool can be a gentle reminder to count to ten before you speak the next time. But it's also humanizing. A few missteps won't scar your child. So apologize if it's appropriate and move on, because your child will.
There's no privacy
"I was in the bathroom when my then 6-year-old looked at the string dangling from my so-called private parts and said, 'Mommy, I think you sat in some gum,'" says Kristine Breese, a Los Angeles mother of two who wrote Cereal for Dinner. "When you become a mom, you can't even put a tampon in without being interrupted."
Silver lining: Your kids can learn patience, self-sufficiency, and the meaning of privacy -- if you set boundaries. "At a certain point, you start locking the bathroom or saying something to stop your child from barging in," Breese says. "This represents a huge step forward as you realize that being at their constant disposal is not really what your kids need."
Your baby will eventually insult you
Indulge in a nice-mommy whim and make a special chocolate-chip face on a toddler's pancake, and you're liable to be met with indignant howls. ("That's not how a pancake looks!") One minute you're the best thing since ice pops and the next, mud. And the mercurial moods of a growing child mean you never know which will happen when.
Silver lining: Repeated verbal stabs make you more immune to them. Unless it's clearly intentional antisocial rudeness (rare before the school years), blame child development and don't take anything personally. Two-year-olds, for instance, are notoriously resistant to change because they're trying hard to figure out the world and once they've "got" a concept down (pancakes don't have faces), it's disorienting to have their expectations foiled. Parenting.com: 8 things grandparents wish you knew
You have to force yourself to back off
If, like me, you're a Type A control freak (or were in your pre-kids life, until they leeched it out of you), it's a constant internal struggle not to step in and finish the puzzle, Velcro-shut the sneaker yourself, or issue reminders every 10 seconds about what your child should do, say, or remember.
Silver lining: The more you incrementally step back, the more self-sufficient they become, which is how it's supposed to be. Kids need to do many things on their own -- and feelings of accomplishment are as mentally healthy for them as they are practical. One morning I watched my 5-year-old laboriously try and try again as my hurry-meter clanged inside me. But you know what? I refrained from butting in as long as she was calm and focused -- and she did it! Her pride was far more valuable than my hectoring would have been.
You won't know if you've done a good job for, oh, 20 or 30 years
Every decision you make -- from discipline to extracurricular activities -- has repercussions, though usually not as momentous as you may think. You can have a pretty good inkling of how things are going, but you won't really know what sort of person you've helped to create until your child is fully grown.
Silver lining: That's the marvelous mystery of parenting. So much time, money, hope, and love poured into one tiny creature -- but I can't think of a better use for those resources.
The Truth About Being A Mom
rate or flag this pag By Hope WilbanksTruth #1: You will probably never feel like you are “good enough” as a parent. Perfectionism and parenting do not go hand-in-hand. There is no such thing as a perfect mother. The moment you start trying to achieve that sort of status is the moment you begin driving yourself crazy. It will never happen. There will be good days, when you mesh with your children and have fun and enjoy each other’s company. But there will also be times when you question your parenting abilities. You’ll feel like you are not good enough to be a mother. This is normal and it doesn’t mean that you are a bad mother. It just means you are a mother. Period.
Truth #2: You will cry a lot. Children have a way of doing this to you. When they are young you will cry when they cry because they are hurt. When they get older, you will cry because they are breaking your heart. Mothers may have been given a bad rap because they tend to cry. But don’t let that worry you. You are a mother, so get ready to cry.
Truth #3: You will probably never catch up on your sleep. If you are a new mother and have a fussy child who doesn’t sleep well or doesn’t seem to want to nap, just hang in there. I’d like to tell you that you will catch up on your sleep one day, but chances are that might not happen. If your child does not adjust to a normal sleeping pattern, your body will learn to adjust to your child’s routine. Stay strong, and if you feel like crying, refer to Truth #2.
Truth #4: Your life begins and ends at motherhood. Children are a gift and a blessing from God. But the truth is, when you become a mother, your life ends at the same time that it begins. You are no longer a carefree agent, roaming here and there and doing whatever you please. You now hold a huge responsibility in your hands. You have been given charge over this tiny being. Your responsibility in life has just been bumped up a few notches. Take note and take charge.
Truth #5: Kids will be kids, no matter how wonderful a mother you are. One common thing I have noticed among mothers is the anxiety, frustration and sadness that kicks in when a child does something out of character. Automatically, the mother blames herself, saying, “I don’t know what I did wrong.” The truth is, Mom, that yes, you are that child’s mother. But your child will develop his own morals and character, aside from you. Do your best in raising your child, but if/when your child does something shocking or disheartening, know that it is not your fault. Just as you became an adult and started making your own choices way back when, so will your child. Let it be and let it go. Everything isn’t your faul
Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences you’ll have in life. You’ll learn that parenting is fun at times, and downright difficult at other times. I have often said that I wish someone would write a parenting book for mothers that gives the low-down dirty truth about being a mom. Since I’ve yet to find one, I’m going to outline a few simple truths I’ve discovered about being a mom in this article.
Truth #2: You will cry a lot. Children have a way of doing this to you. When they are young you will cry when they cry because they are hurt. When they get older, you will cry because they are breaking your heart. Mothers may have been given a bad rap because they tend to cry. But don’t let that worry you. You are a mother, so get ready to cry.
Truth #3: You will probably never catch up on your sleep. If you are a new mother and have a fussy child who doesn’t sleep well or doesn’t seem to want to nap, just hang in there. I’d like to tell you that you will catch up on your sleep one day, but chances are that might not happen. If your child does not adjust to a normal sleeping pattern, your body will learn to adjust to your child’s routine. Stay strong, and if you feel like crying, refer to Truth #2.
Truth #4: Your life begins and ends at motherhood. Children are a gift and a blessing from God. But the truth is, when you become a mother, your life ends at the same time that it begins. You are no longer a carefree agent, roaming here and there and doing whatever you please. You now hold a huge responsibility in your hands. You have been given charge over this tiny being. Your responsibility in life has just been bumped up a few notches. Take note and take charge.
Truth #5: Kids will be kids, no matter how wonderful a mother you are. One common thing I have noticed among mothers is the anxiety, frustration and sadness that kicks in when a child does something out of character. Automatically, the mother blames herself, saying, “I don’t know what I did wrong.” The truth is, Mom, that yes, you are that child’s mother. But your child will develop his own morals and character, aside from you. Do your best in raising your child, but if/when your child does something shocking or disheartening, know that it is not your fault. Just as you became an adult and started making your own choices way back when, so will your child. Let it be and let it go. Everything isn’t your faul
21 Ways to Enjoy Being a Mom
Nudie scarf dancing. That sounds provocative, sexy, even NC-17, right? Well... not exactly. Let me explain.
I was sitting on the beach with my friend Isobel. Now, lounging next to this skinny blond mother of five could make anyone feel depressed by comparison. But I've known her since high school and I needed advice. It was hard to admit, but I was going through postpartum depression. I couldn't stop crying, and I alternated between being barely able to cope with the daily responsibilities of motherhood, and mind-numbing confusion. I was stumped. What did I have to be sad about? Seventeen months after giving birth to my son, Chase, God had blessed me with my daughter, Mackenzie. Instant family, my dream come true. Still, I felt as if I were sinking into toxic black ink.
My dirty secret was this: I just didn't see what was so great about motherhood. My days felt like a marathon disaster movie, starring me racing around after my kamikaze toddler to prevent him from hurling himself from high places and/or gleefully electrocuting himself. My nights were a study in sleep deprivation, with Mackenzie waking up every two hours and screaming from acid reflux.
I told Isobel about my plight, and she began sharing some of the wonderful ways she whiles away the hours with her brood: family karaoke, eating cookie batter together, firefly-catching contests. I was years away from all of this, but I scribbled the ideas down anyway. Then she mentioned nudie scarf dancing.
I glanced down at my stretched-out stomach, which was lying next to me like an affectionate pet. Surely, she couldn't be suggesting...
The tears welled up in my eyes. There was just no way I was up for this, no matter how fun it was.
"Not you, silly!" she said, laughing so hard she was snorting. "Daughters! Don't you have a box of ugly scarves from the '80s? Put on music to kill time with little girls before their bath!"
Before I knew it, I started laughing, too - at Isobel's snorting, at myself, and at the thought of the now-undulating pet attached to my midsection with a paisley scarf wrapped around it. I laughed until I was crying, a condition that Dolly Parton has called her favorite emotion.
Then it hit me: Fun was going to show me the way out of my drowning pit. The problem wasn't that I was exhausted or scared, because motherhood comes with all of that. The issue was that I wasn't having any fun to offset the exorbitant emotional cost.
So I sent out an SOS e-mail to my other friends seeking advice and ideas for how to enjoy this roller-coaster ride called motherhood. The flurry of answers came back fast and furious, from the funny and dark - "Report yourself to Child Protective Services and have your children taken away for a day or two. Instant vacation!!" wrote Krisha Mahoney, a Boston mother of two - to the practical:
"Plan a playdate with other moms in the park. Bring games and order out pizza," suggested Karen Hamilton, a mother of three in Rye, New York.
I tried my friends' suggestions - not the one about turning myself in to the authorities, but many others that you'll read about below. Slowly, as one good time followed another, the depression began to lift. Chase and Mackenzie were my guides as I let go of my expectations and allowed the fun to take whatever form it fancied.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can take more than nudie scarf dancing to beat postpartum depression. That's why, at the same time that I was reaching out to friends, I finally reached out to my ob-gyn for professional guidance. The combination of both helped me get my smile back.I read a magazine article once that said that if we want enduring satisfaction, we have to always be on the lookout for small miracles.Mothers have these small miracles in their lives every day. They are our children. And the time to enjoy them is right now. Here, just a smattering of ways to let the good times roll:
From The Fun Book for Moms by Melina Gerosa Bellows. copyright 2007 by Melina Gerosa Bellows. To be published by Andrews McMeel Publishing in May.
I was sitting on the beach with my friend Isobel. Now, lounging next to this skinny blond mother of five could make anyone feel depressed by comparison. But I've known her since high school and I needed advice. It was hard to admit, but I was going through postpartum depression. I couldn't stop crying, and I alternated between being barely able to cope with the daily responsibilities of motherhood, and mind-numbing confusion. I was stumped. What did I have to be sad about? Seventeen months after giving birth to my son, Chase, God had blessed me with my daughter, Mackenzie. Instant family, my dream come true. Still, I felt as if I were sinking into toxic black ink.
My dirty secret was this: I just didn't see what was so great about motherhood. My days felt like a marathon disaster movie, starring me racing around after my kamikaze toddler to prevent him from hurling himself from high places and/or gleefully electrocuting himself. My nights were a study in sleep deprivation, with Mackenzie waking up every two hours and screaming from acid reflux.
I told Isobel about my plight, and she began sharing some of the wonderful ways she whiles away the hours with her brood: family karaoke, eating cookie batter together, firefly-catching contests. I was years away from all of this, but I scribbled the ideas down anyway. Then she mentioned nudie scarf dancing.
I glanced down at my stretched-out stomach, which was lying next to me like an affectionate pet. Surely, she couldn't be suggesting...
The tears welled up in my eyes. There was just no way I was up for this, no matter how fun it was.
"Not you, silly!" she said, laughing so hard she was snorting. "Daughters! Don't you have a box of ugly scarves from the '80s? Put on music to kill time with little girls before their bath!"
Before I knew it, I started laughing, too - at Isobel's snorting, at myself, and at the thought of the now-undulating pet attached to my midsection with a paisley scarf wrapped around it. I laughed until I was crying, a condition that Dolly Parton has called her favorite emotion.
Then it hit me: Fun was going to show me the way out of my drowning pit. The problem wasn't that I was exhausted or scared, because motherhood comes with all of that. The issue was that I wasn't having any fun to offset the exorbitant emotional cost.
So I sent out an SOS e-mail to my other friends seeking advice and ideas for how to enjoy this roller-coaster ride called motherhood. The flurry of answers came back fast and furious, from the funny and dark - "Report yourself to Child Protective Services and have your children taken away for a day or two. Instant vacation!!" wrote Krisha Mahoney, a Boston mother of two - to the practical:
"Plan a playdate with other moms in the park. Bring games and order out pizza," suggested Karen Hamilton, a mother of three in Rye, New York.
I tried my friends' suggestions - not the one about turning myself in to the authorities, but many others that you'll read about below. Slowly, as one good time followed another, the depression began to lift. Chase and Mackenzie were my guides as I let go of my expectations and allowed the fun to take whatever form it fancied.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can take more than nudie scarf dancing to beat postpartum depression. That's why, at the same time that I was reaching out to friends, I finally reached out to my ob-gyn for professional guidance. The combination of both helped me get my smile back.I read a magazine article once that said that if we want enduring satisfaction, we have to always be on the lookout for small miracles.Mothers have these small miracles in their lives every day. They are our children. And the time to enjoy them is right now. Here, just a smattering of ways to let the good times roll:
From The Fun Book for Moms by Melina Gerosa Bellows. copyright 2007 by Melina Gerosa Bellows. To be published by Andrews McMeel Publishing in May.
21 ways to enjoy being a mom
- When you're tired, hand your kids a brush, point to your head, and tell them to play beauty parlor. When you're really tired, pretend that you're Sleeping Beauty.
- Take your mother to a spa. While you're both getting seaweed wraps, tell her all your favorite memories of growing up.
- Take a bath with your infant. Make sure your husband is around for the handoff, so you can relax until the last minute. (Don't forget to smell your baby right afterward. Heaven!)
- At the end of every summer, take a family photo for the holiday card (you'll be happy to have this accomplished once December comes). Every year, add a framed 11-by-14-inch print to your front hall. Your kids will be proud now and laugh later at the funny styles.
- On St. Patrick's Day, dye the milk and eggs green and turn the furniture upside down so your home looks like total chaos. When your little ones wake up, tell them that the leprechauns came.
- The next time you have to go to a boring kiddie activity, invite another mom-friend along. Hide wine in sippy cups for the two of you to nurse undercover.
- Play Freaky Friday with your husband and switch roles for a day. Enjoy his renewed appreciation for his Super Mom wife.
- . In the dead of winter, fix some snacks, get under warm quilts, and watch Happy Feet on DVD. Tell your kids you love them even more than the penguins love their chicks.
- Go to the beach in the off-season. Throw rocks in the water and collect shells. Put them in a vase and use it as shelf decor in your living room.
- Skip the Raffi and Barney. Turn your kids on to Bob Marley, They Might Be Giants, and Gwen Stefani.
- Take your baby out to the movies at night. (Infants love the dark, and loud trailers make them snooze immediately.) Then you can sip your soda and munch your popcorn in peace.
- Buy yourself that fancy watch, strand of pearls, or whatever piece of expensive jewelry you've been lusting after. Justify your purchase by rationalizing that you'll pass it down to your daughter (or son's wife) eventually.
- Take your kids to live music performances from very early ages. Cheap ones outdoors are great to start with in case you need to make a hasty exit (like when a diaper explodes).
- Use your kids as an excuse to do the things you want to do, like going to silly feel-good movies, eating mac and cheese for dinner, and jumping in the moonbounce. Use your kids as an excuse to get out of things you don't want to do, like going to a wedding or office party.
- Every Mother's Day, have a picture taken with your kids. Keep the photos all together - along with special cards, ticket stubs, mementos, and anything else that makes you feel good about being a mom - in a shoe box. (Of course, you must get those new shoes you love in order to do this correctly.) Every year, look through your Goddess Mom box and see how much your kids have grown.
- Give your kids quiet time every day. Let them learn to be by themselves with books, crayons, or blocks.
- Let your whole family take a day off and hang out in pj's all day long.
- Rent Sex and the City on DVD, and reminisce about the days when you were single and the biggest problem you had was whether the "He" of the moment was going to call. Let the romance of your youth seduce you. Then remember that, despite your freedom, all you really wanted was to fall in love and have beautiful babies.
- Pitch a tent in the backyard. Use it as your outdoor reading room. Or when there's a full moon, plan a family campout with sleeping bags, a transistor radio, and s'mores, of course.
- Invent a house fairy. Give her a name, and tell your kids that she is always watching them and counting up their good deeds.
- Listen for the deep, happy sighs that come after your kids play or laugh really hard. Tuck them away in your heart.
How to Be a Happier Mom By Robert Barnett, Parenting
Ask a mom if she's happier now that she has a child and she'll usually say yes. In fact, around the world, children top the list of the most enjoyable things in life.
But psychologists who study happiness -- a new field in the past decade -- often report a different picture. Being the mom of a young child (especially one under 3) is rich and rewarding, but also a real strain on your mood. "Moment to moment, you may be exhausted, frustrated, sometimes angry," says Peter Ubel, M.D., a professor of medicine and psychology at the University of Michigan. "You may be squabbling with your spouse more. You have more negative emotions."
The time you spend taking care of your child may not even be the high point of your day. On their list of pleasurable activities, moms rank it lower than eating, exercising, or watching TV, according to a University of Michigan study of 900 women. In fact, kid care rates only slightly higher than housework, working, or commuting!
"This finding shocks people," says Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Harvard University and author of Stumbling on Happiness. "They think psychologists are saying you don't love your children. Of course you love your children beyond measure! And kids do bring joy. They bring transcendent moments in which you feel so happy that it outweighs all the hard work you've done. It's just that children do not increase your average daily enjoyment."
The happiness paradox
One reason for the discrepancy between moms and experts: selective memory. When psychologists ask moms in a general way if they like spending time with their kids, the overwhelming majority say they do because they're thinking of fun activities like reading a book or playing in the park. When they're specifically asked to describe their actual daily routine, they remember the hours they spent struggling to get their child dressed or ready for bed.
Maybe, though, the cold calculus of psychological science is missing the intensity of joy that time spent with your child can bring. "There are little moments that are grand-slam home runs," says Gilbert.
Luckily, those moments can overcome your daily frustrations. "Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania. "It's also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself. When people are in service to something bigger, they describe their lives as filled with meaning. It's not the smiley face, but when it's all over, you realize you'd do it again."
And being needed is a rewarding experience as well. "You get back tenfold everything that you put into it," says Elizabeth Howard, mom of Reilly, 2, in Anaheim, California. "I don't think people should have a child just to make them happy, but it's opened up a whole part of my heart that I didn't even know was there."
The first step to being a happier mom, then, is to value what you do -- to feel that it's important. The next step is to find ways to make it more enjoyable. Not only will you be doing the best thing for yourself, but you'll also become a more effective mom. Say you're with your 2-year-old and she wants her juice in the red cup, but the red cup is missing. "If I'm in a grumpy mood, I may just say, 'Drink it in the blue cup,'" says Reivich. "But if I'm feeling more positive, maybe I'll take some red construction paper and tape it around the blue cup. I've transformed something that might get ugly into something playful and fun."
The good news for all moms is this: You can learn to focus on the positive -- and learn to make it a daily habit. Here's how:
Robert Barnett is a former health editor at Parenting.
source: parenting.com
But psychologists who study happiness -- a new field in the past decade -- often report a different picture. Being the mom of a young child (especially one under 3) is rich and rewarding, but also a real strain on your mood. "Moment to moment, you may be exhausted, frustrated, sometimes angry," says Peter Ubel, M.D., a professor of medicine and psychology at the University of Michigan. "You may be squabbling with your spouse more. You have more negative emotions."
The time you spend taking care of your child may not even be the high point of your day. On their list of pleasurable activities, moms rank it lower than eating, exercising, or watching TV, according to a University of Michigan study of 900 women. In fact, kid care rates only slightly higher than housework, working, or commuting!
"This finding shocks people," says Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Harvard University and author of Stumbling on Happiness. "They think psychologists are saying you don't love your children. Of course you love your children beyond measure! And kids do bring joy. They bring transcendent moments in which you feel so happy that it outweighs all the hard work you've done. It's just that children do not increase your average daily enjoyment."
The happiness paradox
One reason for the discrepancy between moms and experts: selective memory. When psychologists ask moms in a general way if they like spending time with their kids, the overwhelming majority say they do because they're thinking of fun activities like reading a book or playing in the park. When they're specifically asked to describe their actual daily routine, they remember the hours they spent struggling to get their child dressed or ready for bed.
Maybe, though, the cold calculus of psychological science is missing the intensity of joy that time spent with your child can bring. "There are little moments that are grand-slam home runs," says Gilbert.
Luckily, those moments can overcome your daily frustrations. "Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania. "It's also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself. When people are in service to something bigger, they describe their lives as filled with meaning. It's not the smiley face, but when it's all over, you realize you'd do it again."
And being needed is a rewarding experience as well. "You get back tenfold everything that you put into it," says Elizabeth Howard, mom of Reilly, 2, in Anaheim, California. "I don't think people should have a child just to make them happy, but it's opened up a whole part of my heart that I didn't even know was there."
The first step to being a happier mom, then, is to value what you do -- to feel that it's important. The next step is to find ways to make it more enjoyable. Not only will you be doing the best thing for yourself, but you'll also become a more effective mom. Say you're with your 2-year-old and she wants her juice in the red cup, but the red cup is missing. "If I'm in a grumpy mood, I may just say, 'Drink it in the blue cup,'" says Reivich. "But if I'm feeling more positive, maybe I'll take some red construction paper and tape it around the blue cup. I've transformed something that might get ugly into something playful and fun."
The good news for all moms is this: You can learn to focus on the positive -- and learn to make it a daily habit. Here's how:
Robert Barnett is a former health editor at Parenting.
source: parenting.com
Trusted Mom or Sellout? How some mommy bloggers are being co-opted by corporate concerns. By Jessica Ramirez | Newsweek Web Exclusive Jul 15, 2009
Stephanie Precourt will tell you that having your toddler son swallow an unknown quantity of pennies and locking your baby girl in the car in the same week may cause your heart to drop through your legs and out your toes. She'll also admit she felt like such a bad mama that she almost didn't write about either incident on her three-year-old blog, Adventures in Baby Wearing.
But she's glad she did. After Precourt posted each item, her readers commiserated on the blog with their own confessions of accidentally dropping the baby on his or her head or finding a screw up their kid's nose. "[When I first became a mom] I was picking up the parenting magazines, and that's just not real," says Precourt, now a mother of four. "Those moms have clean homes and perfect kids. As a stay-at-home mom, [blogging] gave me a connection with other real moms, with the outside world."
Being a "real mom" has a way of earning a mommy blogger some serious virtual cred. So if someone like Precourt suggests that Fiber One bars are great for, um, helping a kid pass a few pennies, her readers take that to heart. Now companies are betting that mommy bloggers are the gatekeepers to a female segment that spends about $2 trillion a year for their families. Already, the active U.S. female Internet population hovers around 42 million, according to the 2009 Social Media Study by BlogHer, iVillage and Compass Partners. Of those women, 43 percent visit blogs for advice or to get recommendations.
Among the first big companies to work with this segment was Wal-Mart. Last year the retailer recruited a group of mom bloggers to provide feedback on programs, products, stores, and services and to help build a "money-saving community." Most are as popular as Tara Kuczykowski of DealSeekingMom.com, a blog that focuses primarily on printable coupons, product samples, and giveaways. She has 25,000 subscribers and almost 7,000 followers on Twitter. This is an insta-audience for the mega-retailer, one that's happy to hear what any mom in their blogging group has to say about their merchandise. To be clear, none of the mommy bloggers are paid by Wal-Mart, says Melissa O'Brien, senior manager of PR and brand reputation. Nor do they have to blog about anything that's Wal-Mart-related, although Kuczykowski says many of them often do. That's one of the benefits, she says. They get products they can review from vendors, plus extras to give away on their sites. "There have been a couple of situations where we've also been asked to do a video for a vendor and have gotten paid," she says. "You're giving your opinions on [a product], but they're not paying you for a positive opinion."
But that's debatable. Earlier this year, General Mills created its own formal network of more than 900 bloggers, of whom about 80 percent are moms. The group receives products for review, coupons, and giveaways. According to an Adweek article, there's a good chance that a chunk of the blogger buzz these folks create will be positive. The fine print for participation includes a line that reads: "If you feel you cannot write a positive post regarding the product or service, please contact the MyBlogSpark team before posting any content." General Mills declined NEWSWEEK's request for an interview, but in an e-mail statement, said it works to be overtly transparent and does not try to control what bloggers write.
The history of how mom bloggers went from women looking for camaraderie to brand mavens is a hazy one, says Jessica Hogue, research director of Nielsen Online. A handful have been around since the late 1990s, but their online line presence really started to grow in the mid-2000s. By 2005, during the first annual BlogHer Business conference, some of the attendees remained skeptical about the segment's potential reach. A few even suggested that they might have a greater impact if they wrote about heavier topics like politics. In response, Alice Bradley, author of Finslippy, stood up and declared that "mommy blogging [was] a radical act." "Radical" in that one woman writing about her life could benefit other mothers in a way that was not possible before. "[Prior to blogging]," she says, "you didn't necessarily get the raw honest truth of motherhood in both its hilarious and horrifying moments."
By 2007, as these blogs amassed larger audiences, radical statements became less important as many moms began to realize, "Hey, maybe my blog could be my business," Hogue says. Today, there are thousands of self-described mom bloggers. A large subset work with marketers or companies, and in most cases, the items they review have grown beyond baby food and diaper bags. Some test-drive cars for months, are flown in for tours of company headquarters, or sent on lavish paid trips to places like Disney World. "Now there are these new set of mom bloggers, but they're really bloggers who happen to be moms," says Danielle Wiley, senior vice president for social media and consumer brands at Edelman, a PR firm. "They aren't really writing about juggling work and home and kids. These blogs are created to get products or to make money."
hat becomes problematic when the bloggers accepting the money for reviews, the paid trips, and the free products write favorable posts without disclosing that they've been compensated. So unsuspecting readers—ones who come looking for a blogger's personal opinion—are getting what amounts to an ad. For companies and marketers, paying for a post also puts a certain amount of power over content—intentional or not—in their hands.That commercial divide is pitting women against one another. It's no all-out virtual mommy war, but several prominent bloggers have written posts ripping into this new, brand-conscious breed. Erin Kotecki Vest, of Queen of Spain, called them "carpetbagging mommy bloggers" who peddle their "snake oil" whenever and wherever they like. Lindsay Ferrier, of Suburban Turmoil, posted, "I no longer believe that mommy blogging is a radical act. It is a commercial act."
However anyone cuts it, Christine Young, of FromDatestoDiapers.com, thinks her time is worth a few bucks. She's parlayed her online success into consulting work for companies like Johnson & Johnson and other writing assignments. She also charges to do giveaways on her site. Right now, Young doesn't have a monetary charge for product reviews, but she does request a sample, although that does not guarantee she will write about it. Her policy is to be very transparent about the process to her readers.
That works out nicely, since the Federal Trade Commission recently announced it is considering new guidelines so that bloggers will have to disclose in their post when they are paid by an advertiser to talk about a product. While some bloggers are already calling this "Big Brother–like," Bradley disagrees. "Some feel like the mommy blogger per se is being targeted in all of this, but I think they're being protected," she says. "There are people who aren't that savvy, and they're going to write that kind of stuff and their credibility will get destroyed."
Earlier this week, the bloggers of Momdot upped the ante by challenging the mommysphere to join them in a PR Blackout for one week in August in the hope of getting writers back to basics.That's not to say that the paid-to-post strain of mommy blogger will go away. Wiley says, if anything, new rules will create more segmentation. There will be a place for more traditional mommy bloggers as well as for bloggers who do paid content or other forms of advertorials. "I think right now all the mom bloggers are being placed in one category and it's having a negative effect," she says.
That will change. And while no one can really tame the blogosphere, tossing in ethics-laden guidelines is probably necessary. Some might even say radical.
© 2009
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